The Time We Have
by Revhead
Summary: Episode Tag to 5x22 Swan Song. Lisa knew from the beginning that Dean would not stay forever, and that his leaving would hurt. But she couldn't turn him away.


_Episode Tag to 5x22 Swan Song_

**The Time We Have**

Once she was sure that Dean had finally fallen asleep, Lisa quietly retreated from the room and closed the door softly behind her.

She took a slow, deep breath and glanced up at the ceiling, blinking away tears. She wished she could curl up in her bed and finally let herself cry for the broken man who had turned up on her doorstep, but her mother's instincts warned her to hold her composure for a few more minutes.

Sure enough, she found Ben sitting halfway up the stairs. He nearly bolted when he saw her, panicked about being caught eavesdropping when he should have been in bed hours ago.

"Hold up, Benjamin," Lisa said, quiet but stern.

She beckoned him down and he came reluctantly, head handing in shame. "Sorry, mom," he mumbled.

Lisa shrugged. "I can't blame you for being curious when a stranger comes to the door in the middle of the night."

"He's not a stranger," Ben objected. "It's Dean!"

"You remember him, then?" It was two years since Ben had last seen Dean, and he had known him for all of a couple of days. Dean was the sort of man who left a lasting impression, though; Lisa herself had spent one weekend with him, and was able to recall who he was eight years later.

"He saved my life, and your life, and all those other kids," Ben pointed out. "Him and his brother. It's not something I'd forget."

Lisa smiled a little. "He was quite the hero, wasn't he?"

Ben nodded, but a worried look came over his face as he glanced toward the lounge room. "Is he okay?"

Her smiled faded. She thought of the dead look in Dean's eyes, the unfathomable grief written in every line of his face, the way he had trembled in her arms, the vulnerability in his posture as he sat on her couch cradling his untouched beer, the slight break in his voice when he had asked if he could crash there for the night.

"No, he's not," Lisa answered honestly. If Dean was going to be around for a while, Ben needed to know the truth. "I don't know what happened exactly, but it must have been bad." Bad was an understatement. Bad was the horrors Dean faced every day of his life. This was infinitely worse. This had broken him.

"Is he hurt?" Ben asked.

"Not physically." If Dean had been injured she would have known what to do. She would have taken him to the hospital or, if he was the type who would refuse to seek medical help and she suspected he was, she could have patched him up herself. But his wounds were internal, too deep for her to touch, and she was at a loss for how to help him.

Ben frowned a little. "That's good then, isn't it? If he isn't hurt that means a monster didn't get him."

_But maybe a monster got Sam. _The two brothers were virtually inseparable, and Sam's absence now was painfully conspicuous. Besides, Lisa could not think of anything else that could cause Dean such utter devastation.

"I think he's grieving, Ben," Lisa said softly. "Dean's brother was the only family he had, and I think he's gone."

"Is that why Dean came here? So we could be his new family?"

"Ben…"

"He can't be alone, mom. That isn't fair. Not when all he does is help people. You said he could stay, didn't you?"

"Yes." Lisa couldn't possible have turned him away, not when he looked so lost, not when she had every reason to believe he had somehow stopped the world from ending, not when she knew that there was a chance he could find some form of happiness with her and Ben… not when she loved him. "But that doesn't mean he_ will_ stay."

"We'll convince him to."

"Are you sure you want him here, Ben? He's not exactly… safe. He'll do strange things, and he might scare us sometimes." The rational part of her brain thought she was crazy for even considering letting a damaged hunter into her home. Weapons and blood and violence were all he knew, so why was she hoping he could become a father figure for her son?

"I don't care," Ben said stubbornly. "I like him."

"I do, too," Lisa admitted. Ten years ago, her attraction to Dean had been based purely on his appearance, charm, and the fact that he was a drifter she would probably never see again. She had changed a lot since then, and yet somehow Dean was more perfect than ever. He was still handsome, and just as charming as he had always been, but now she knew that there was so much more to him. Seeing how good he was with Ben, watching the way he cared for his brother, knowing that he spent his life helping people with no expectation of thanks or a reward, and witnessing such a depth of emotion in his eyes tonight, Lisa was afraid she had fallen helplessly for him all over again. She was doomed to heartbreak and she knew it, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to care.

It worried her, though, how quickly Ben had jumped on the idea of adopting Dean into their family. They might not be related by blood, but the two of them had bonded so fast the last time Dean was here, and Lisa knew that the same thing would happen this time around. Dean might not have children of his own, but he had powerful paternal instincts which probably came from a lifetime of looking after his younger brother. Ben might never have had a father around, but it was something Lisa knew he secretly wanted more than anything. The chance for the three of them to become a proper family was a dream come true, but Lisa couldn't let her son get his hopes up.

"If we let him stay with us, we're going to have to be careful," Lisa warned.

"Well, maybe Dean could teach me how to help him fight monsters."

"No!" She didn't want her son to become a hunter. She had seen what that life had done to Dean, and she couldn't bear to have the same thing happen to Ben. "No," she reiterated, more calmly this time, "that's not what I meant. Right now, Dean needs us to help him heal. But even if he stays with us for weeks, or months, or even years, he won't stay forever. His job is too much a part of him for him to let go of completely."

Understanding dawned in Ben's eyes. He deflated slightly, but tried valiantly to hide his disappointment. "You're saying that he's going to leave us."

"Eventually, yes." She didn't want it to be true, but she was a realist. "I'm not telling you this so you keep your distance or so you don't grow attached to him…" God knows it was too late for that, and not just for Ben but for Lisa as well. "I just… I want you to understand who he is. And when he leaves, I don't want you to hate him or think he left because of you."

Ben shrugged. "I get it, mom. His job is important. There are people out there who need him more than we do. It would be selfish of us to keep him all to ourselves."

Lisa wondered when her little boy had become such a mature young man.

"We'll just make the most of the time we do have with him," Ben continued, "won't we?"

Lisa smiled at her son and pulled him into a hug. "Yeah, Ben, we will."


End file.
